The following common questions asked about reaching orgasm
(1)
Anonymous,
I am a sexually active female, but I can't reach orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend. Can you help me out? Thanks.
(2)
Anonymous,
I am 28 years old. I've had a problem for years now; well, I had this problem all my life and I was too ashamed to seek help. Here it goes: during sexual intercourse, I never feel any sensation or tingling feelings, I feel nothing. I can feel the penis, but that is all. This has been with every guy I've been with and I've been with about 15 guys. I'm currently dating this guy for five years. I love him, but during sex, I feel nothing. He turns me on, and I get aroused, but when it comes to actually having sex, I feel NOTHING. It's like I have a disjunction in my vagina. Does it have something to do with my clitoris? What is wrong with me? Please, can you tell me? I will eventually see a doctor, but I just want to know, what is the problem with me? Please, I would really appreciate it, I've kinda learned to live with it. Sad, right? :)
(3)
Anonymous,
Yet again, another question about intercourse and (female) orgasms. I am 25 and have been having intercourse for about 1 1/2 years and have never experienced even the remotest possibility of climaxing from intercourse. Intercourse does NOTHING for me. I've read the Hite Report, I know it claims that only 30% of women orgasm from intercourse alone; however, most women who say they don't orgasm from intercourse say that they at least receive some arousal or stimulation or pleasure from the sensation--it just doesn't lead them to orgasm. However, I have never received the SLIGHTEST sexual pleasure from intercourse--and it's making me so unhappy and desperate that I feel I'm going insane.
(4)
Anonymous,
What is the best way for a woman with an inaccessible clitoris to reach orgasm during intercourse, without artificial stimulation?
Solutions
Many women experience frustration from their inability to feel sensation or sexual pleasure from vaginal-penile intercourse. It is common for women to feel closeness, and fullness, but not the intensity they believe that they "should" be feeling. With a little bit of learning and exploration, you can find ways to enjoy various types of pleasure, intimacy, and even ecstasy.
Before we get hot and heavy, remember — a little lesson in anatomy can lead to huge results. A woman's sexual pleasure, and ultimately orgasm, is much more likely to occur from stimulation to theclitoris. The clitoris is highly sensitive and full of nerve endings. In fact, there are as many nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris as there are in a man's penis! Many of the clitoral nerve endings are subterranean, or below the surface; the visible part of the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg. However, even “in hiding,” those 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings can be a mega source of incredible pleasure for many women.
In contrast, the vaginal walls contain relatively few nerve endings. Only the lower third of the vagina has enough nerve endings to feel stimulation from a penis, finger, sex toy, or other penetrative object. This can make intense sexual stimulation, pleasure, and orgasm from vaginal-only penetration unlikely. In reality, the clitoris is perfectly placed. You might consider the clitoris to be "inaccessible" because in-and-out intercourse does not touch your button of joy. The challenge is for you and your partner to find and cultivate its potential.
Generally speaking, touching or pressing the clitoris, directly or indirectly, during intercourse will increase a woman's potential to orgasm. Otherwise, it's like trying to get somewhere in an elevator without pressing the button. Here are a few tips to help you and your partner have a more pleasurable, intense sexual experience:
- Ask your partner to touch, rub, caress, and/or press your clitoris with his fingers, whether before, during, or after sex. You can guide him by placing your fingers over his fingers or hand, and pressing the spots you like in the motion and frequency that makes you go wild. You can try using your own fingers during sex, too!
- Explore with foreplay. Sometimes you may feel ready for intercourse immediately, while other times you may want your partner to first touch, rub, kiss, or lick your vulva and clitoris, using his hands, mouth, or penis. Oral sex can be highly pleasurable to many women because of its direct focus on the clitoris. Women describe intense orgasms through oral sex.
- Add afew drops of lube to reduce friction and give a more sensual feel. Remember, it’s better when it’s wetter!
- Try a variety of sex positionswhere your clitoris might be further stimulated. For example, the woman-on-top position has more potential for clitoral stimulation than the missionary position. On top, you can have more control over the amount of stimulation, rhythm, and pacing. You can move your hips to reach his pubic bone, or he can change the angle of his hips. He can also enter you from behind and reach around to caress your clitoris. If you like deep penetration and pressure on your cervix, then choose positions that make this more possible. Get creative! Certain sex positions may feel more exciting to you than others, and this may differ each time you have sex.
- Incorporate sex toys into your sex play. Some women enjoy using a vibrator, either alone or with a partner, to stimulate their clitoris during sex.
- Read up! Books such as She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner, The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips, by Rebecca Chalker, andBecause it Feels Good: A Women’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction by Debbie Herbenick can provide more information.
Remember, if you are generally satisfied with your sexual activity, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or feel pressured to feel pleasure or orgasm during intercourse. Instead, if you wish, you can view and use sex play as an opportunity for you and your partner to experiment with and learn from your bodies. Either way, it is important to verbally let your partner know what turns you on the most. And remember, it may take time to learn exactly what that is.
The key is to have the confidence that your body is perfect, the courage to explore your individual responses on your own, the trust to share this information with a caring partner, and the humor to laugh as you learn together. You never know what the results could be!
If you don't put regular work into organizing and maintaining cleanliness in your home, you can expect disaster. Dust accumulates, cords get out of whack, laundry doesn't get folded, and your things don't get put away. First things first, pick a few hours a week to dedicate to cleaning up your home. Hire help if you need it and can afford it, or find a way to actually enjoy the cleaning time. (I watch TV or listen to music.) In addition to making the time, which is the obvious fix, there are a bunch of things you can do to speed up the whole process. When folding laundry, use this two-second shirt folding method to save a ton of time. When you put away your clothing, organize it by color or some other memorable scheme so you never have to think of where to put an item and can easily find that item later on. Speaking of organizing, you should start organizing before you go out and buy any organizational productsso you actually know what you need (if anything) and avoid wasting money. When it comes to organizing your cables, we've posted so many great ways to get those under control. For the most part you're not going to save much time on dust, but you can filter it better by turning on your thermostat fan so it picks up dust that flies into the air while vacuuming (so long as you leave the fan on for 15 minutes afterwards as well). You can also make your own reusable dust-trapping cloths to save some money and follow our tips for getting rid of dust on your technology.
Well...so? Okay, okay, there's good addiction and there's bad addiction. Technology can have a large presence in your life without causing problems, but you need to know when to unplug. Realizing you use your gadgets too much isn't going to get you anywhere if you don't know when you need to prohibit yourself from using them. Social situations are a good place to start, maybe allowing yourself a peek at your phone once or twice per night. When you set limits, you'll know you only have so many opportunities to check and you'll plan them well. You definitely want to unplug before bed, as keeping technology in the bedroom tends to mean you'll use it and glowing screens in the dark will not help you sleep better. It will also make serve as an early morning distraction and potentially make you late to work. One of the best times to unplug, however, is one you might think of as the worst: when you're out in the world and walking around or simply sitting with nothing to do. One of the major problems technology addiction has caused is a lack of awareness. Like with the movie theater, then the TV, and now the smartphone, technology transports your mind into another place regardless of where you are. If you start spending a little more time being aware of your surroundings, you might find that not only are interesting things happening all around you, but that you'll also become far more functional in various situations. We have a lot of little and big screens in our life, and they're fun, but we weren't meant to stare at them everywhere we go. Set some time aside for the world and it should help your tech addiction fade away.
We're all manipulators and victims of manipulation in different ways, because we're designed to try and get what we want, but there are far too many people who take manipulation to an extreme and it is a horrible thing to encounter. First of all, it's important to identify how manipulation works and how ideas can be planted in your head, so you know if it's actually happening to you. Rarely will you be able to convince a serial manipulator to stop manipulator you, so solving the problem is a two step process: identify the problems and eliminate it. If you're being manipulated, cut all ties with the manipulator. It might be hard, but that's most often the only way to do it.
Sleep is really important. It may actually be more important than food. It may even help you lose weight. If you're not sleeping well, there are so many things you can try to fix the problem. First of all, stop reading your backlit screens before going to bed! In fact, just keep technology out of the bedroom all together. You also should limit your caffeine and other stimulants. (We've seen caffeine really does to your brain.) This may be a hard change, but there are several ways to effectively wake up in the morning without stimulants. (I don't make use of stimulants and I have energy all day on most days, so I know it's possible.) Eating heavier in the morning and less at night can aid in better sleep. Here are ten more suggestions. You'll have to experiment a little to find what works, but when you take care of yourself physically, in general, you'll likely find that sleeping works just the way it should.
Apparently you'll be as happy as you're going to get with 100k, but if you're not quite there yet there are lots of things you can do to pick up some extra cash. The web offersplenty of ways to make some extra cash during your free time, so pick up a few and get to work. If more work isn't quite what you were hoping for, just make the most of being poor (or poor-ish). Live smaller, do it yourself more often, and make use of all the free stuff that's available to you (while being aware of its true cost). If over-spending is a problem, here are a few ways you can create hurdles to curb your spending, and a neat webapp to help get you out of debt.
Breaking bad habits is really tough, whether you're biting your nails or smoking, but there are several things you can try. Thinking about your habit like a hater could help, but so can being patient and taking it slow. There are questions you may want to ask yourself, and you may find forming a good habit will make it easier to break your bad ones. I like to use my imagination (e.g. "your fingers are made out of poop, so don't chew on them") but I've only found that to be successful half of the time. Whatever methods you use, whether they're mild or extreme, you need to be able to convince yourself that the habit is truly bad. We tend to like our bad habits and see the damage they cause, but they also give us comfort. If we can't realize and fully comprehend how bad that comfort is, the habit is always going to be much harder to break.
First things first, you need to actually recognize that you're burnt out. Sometimes you can get so overwhelmed by what's going on that you're just tired and don't even know what's wrong. Chest pain, frequent headaches, pessimism, skipping meals, a drop in productivity, frustration, poor concentration, and chronic fatigue are all common signs of burnout. So what do you do about it? Sometimes a vacation is a good place to start, just to gain back a little bit of your focus. When you return, however, you need to implement measures to find balance in your life. Small, strategic changes are key to finding that balance, rather than making enormous life-altering decisions. You'll find that big changes are harder to adjust to and can bring a lot of anxiety. Ultimately, many little things will have a greater impact than a big one. Planning real breaks into your day is a must. You may also find that setting aside specific time, later in the day, is best for tedious tasks you don't like doing or find distracting (e.g. email). Changing your work environment can also make an impact on how you feel, but the important thing is that you see taking the necessary steps to avoid burnout as a number one priority in your life.
I know very few people who don't hate their job, and sometimes it's because their job is eating away at their humanity day by day and other times it's because of their outlook. If you're in a situation where your job is terrible, you probably need to quit. We've posted a guide to leaving your soul-crushing job and plenty of advice on what to do afterwards. In order to figure out where to go next, you're going to need to decide what you want to do. If it's something within your field,get your resume in great shape and start sending it out. When you get interviews, be prepared,but don't assume your interviewer is prepared. If you want a job outside of your specific field, all that is still relevant but here are some tips on talking your way into a job and how to get one when you have no relevant experience. If you can be smart, charismatic, and clever, you should do just fine.
If you live in America you can at least know that you're not alone. Being overweight is a—there's no way to avoid a pun here—big problem and it's a tough one to solve. If you need or want to lose weight, there's really no getting around the need to diet or exercise. The key is simply finding a diet and exercise routine that you'll actually stick to. Your instinct may be to try and move quickly so you can expedite the process and be nice and thin really quickly. This is a bad idea. If you're obese, you'll lose weight pretty rapidly if you eat healthy food and get some physical activity. For those of you trying to lose those last 10-20 pounds, you have a harder task. Either way, you need to put a plan together that you'll actually stick to. It should be hard work, but it should be hard work that you want to do and not hard work that you loathe every single day.
This is a very personal problem that is going to have a very personal answer, and likely one or more of the previously discussed problems are contributing factors. That said, happiness doesn't have to be something difficult to achieve. You will be happy most days if you take care of yourself physically (e.g. regular physical activity, a healthy diet, enough sleep, etc.) and you do things that make you happy. The problem often is actually knowing what will make you happy, since humans are terrible at predicting the future and it can be hard to simplify most decisions. Here are a couple of ways to figure it out and put together a plan you can stick to.
